Socially Conflicted Cat Question Conundrum

The Cat Lady asked:

Dear Assorted Pastries,
Over the past few months, I have had to stop myself every time I want to post a status to Facebook because all my statuses would be about my cat or about how much I love warm, cute, and fuzzy creatures. I have refrained because of the suspicion that my repeated posts of this nature would annoy the people who would read my statuses. However, I suspect some imbalance in my nature because of the consistent theme of what I want to post. I would like to project a more balanced life to my friends. Do you have any suggestions about other things I can post about in my statuses?
Sincerely, Cat Lady

In an attempt to connect with the cat lady, I have included the pseudo-hand-written response below.

Happy 57th anniversary of the approval of the Polio Vaccine!
~XK

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On Hesperidiums and Primary Colors

Rachel Asked:
Is an orange called and orange because it’s orange, or is the color orange called orange because it’s the color of an orange?

Hey Rachel! My extreme apologies for the immense delay in this response. I have, as of late, had an amount of schoolwork that somewhat exceeds the norm, and as such, I did not have the time to devote adequate effort to your question. Have no fear, though, this answer, I’m sure, shall resolve all of the mystery surrounding the age-old question of the source of the term “orange.”

Your question assumes that either the fruit or the color is named after the other. In fact, this is quite off base. Neither was named after either! You see, the origin of this overtly-flexible term lies in the Movement for More Creative Nomenclature for Non-Primary Colors of the late 17th century. Up until this time, the color we now know as “orange” had been referred to as “dirty-yellow” or “that color that’s slightly darker than yellow and has sort of a reddish hue.”

The fruit known then as Citrus sinensis was used by the revolutionaries as propaganda for the movement’s flagship color: orange. Seeing fruits as much lesser entities than colors, the group named the fruit orange. Fortunately, the group was successful and fairly non-violent. (Only ten dictionary workers and a fruit company employee were injured in a violent stampede in Northern London.) Thus we get the naming of this most delightful color and savory fruit.

Happy 42nd Anniversary of the Launch of Apollo 13!
~XK

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Social Awkwardness

The Socially Awkward Student asked:

Dear Assorted Pastries,
I occasionally feel very socially awkward. The following are two examples:
Example 1: When I walk by someone on the sidewalk, I am not sure whether or not to look at them or look away. Do I look at the person and smile? What if I only know the person slightly–not enough to greet them but not enough to ignore?
Example 2: Sometimes when I come to class and sit down, my friend is talking with someone else who I don’t know about something I know nothing about, and I am not sure whether or not to look at the person, look at my friend, or rummage awkwardly in my backpack until the conversation is over. What should I do?
Thank you for your wisdom,
Socially Awkward Student

Today, I have decided to do something completely unprecedented. I have stepped outside of the normal AP response, and instead of answering with a blog, I have decided to respond with a video. I won’t be switching completely over to videos, but if my readers (you) like this format, then I’ll be mixing videos in with blog responses. Tell me what you think!

Enjoy!

~XK

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The Way to People’s Hearts is Through Their Myocardiums

Moni Asked:
Why do some people believe that emotions and thought come from the stomach? Why in America do people believe it comes from the head? Also, can you scientifically track thoughts from the gut?

Hello, and sorry for the really long delay in posts. I would put forth an excuse, but I can’t think of any good ones right now, so I’ll just mumble something about bunnies and forest fires and you can look at me in confusion.

Moni wants to know where emotions come from! Obviously, the view that our internal organs are the source of our emotions is a bit obsolete–I haven’t heard that since my grandmother last baked cookies. I believe the source of the view that people “feel” with their stomachs came from the Ancient Greeks. Although, when I took Greek in High School, the word translated to internal organs–specifically small intestines. Here’s a site that talks about all this with high scientific credibilitiness. (Since every site that requires made-up words as descriptors are highly credible.)

Why do people in America think that emotion and thought comes from the head? I believe this is the result of a phenomenon known as education, but I could be wrong on this one.

I can, in fact, scientifically track emotion from the gut, and so can you! Studies have shown that people are more happy when they are eating. (Insert random BBC article.) So, the next time you are feeling sad, you should try eating Pop Tarts. I’m sure that eventually, you will feel better. That shows, empirically and beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your stomach is linked to your emotions.

Happy April Fools Recovery Day,
~XK

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A God-Shaped Vacuum Cleaner?

Triforce asked:
My pastor said that there is a hole in all of us, and proceeded to draw a square, then said that God was the only shape that would fit the hole in us. Is it scientifically correct that God is in the shape of a square?

Ok, I have to confess something here; I heard this analogy when I was younger, only the term used was vacuum, not hole. Whenever I heard the word vacuum, I thought of a Hoover or Dyson. I know, it’s kinda weird, but that’s what I always thought of. God looks like a vacuum cleaner (probably not).

Your pastor’s illustration is interesting. I’ve never known many pastors to be overly-artistic people, but I’m sure the world holds its exceptions. Can God be scientifically proven to be a square? Seeing as the scientific method normally requires empirical data and testing, I’m not sure that question can be answered. I can, however, tell you what shapes God is not.

1. God is not in the shape of a mass of spaghetti. As tempting as it is to declare one’s deity as a foodstuff,  The FSM is just too modern. If spaghetti was so sacred, I’m sure there’d be a recipe in the Bible.
2. God is not a unicorn. His strength, however, is compared to that of a unicorn’s. Wycliffe, in his 1382 translation of the Bible, translated rhinoceros to unicorn in Numbers 23:22:  The Lord God ledde hym out of Egipt, whos strengthe is lijk an vnicorn. This carried over into the King James Version.
3. God is not a household appliance. As much as some people like to worship their new televsions and kitchen setups, and as intelligent as some Roombas appear, God is not an electronic appliance. (Not even a vacuum cleaner.)

So there you have it; I hope that sheds some light on the situation.

Happy 22nd Anniversary of Namibian Independence!
~XK

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The Road Goes Ever On and On…

Sarah Texas asked:
I have the opportunity to move in the fall. I’ll be living with my agreeable aunt-and-uncle-in-laws and continuing my education. I wish to go, however I will be leaving my family, friends and canine (and all of the comfort that these folk bring). My REAL problem began when I compared my situation to Bilbo Baggins. If I walk out my front door I might make new friends, fight many battles and discover who I am away from the Shire. But then I may be scarred and possessed by the end of my journey. So is it worth the risk?

I love hobbits. They have such a wonderful outlook on life. I mean, they eat 6 meals a day! (When they can get them.) I like change; I’ll be the first to admit it. My advice would be to step out, walk down the road, and see what’s ahead of you. (Metaphorically, of course. Walking is so inconvenient when compared to the modern transportation options of cars or wingsuits.) Since we live an age of technology, I’m sure that you will be able to maintain sufficient contact with your family. You’ll meet new friends, learn new perspectives, and realize the meaning of life (maybe).

As to your comparison to Bilbo Baggins, I doubt that you’ll encounter anything nearly so life-threatening or deadly as trolls or barrow wights. In fact, I think it highly improbable that you shall even see wood elves or find a Ruling Ring. I have, however, been known to be wrong at times. I’d encourage you to go forward, but I’ll let Mr. Baggins have the honor:

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Happy 1969th birthday to the poet, Ovid!
~XK

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Y U NO HAVE PINK?

Moni Asked:
What, in your opinion is the coolest countries shields, and why don’t any flags have grey or pink in them?

As far as flags go, I’ve always really liked Albania’s. The double eagle/dragon thing is pretty sweet. After Albania, I really like New Zealand, Georgia, and Austria. Celtic knots are always really sweet, too.

As to your question about flags, so many flags have pink in them. In fact, I would venture to say that all flags have pink in them. Some are just different shades of pink. For example, the Albanian flag is a very dark pink. The US flag, when properly faded, is pink. In fact, even the Confederate flag has pink in it.

As to your claim that no flags have grey in them, I recommend that you check out the flag of Malta.

Happy Seven Hundred Thirty-Third Anniversary of the End of the Song Dynasty!
~XK

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Sunshine and Breakfast

Zelda Sheik asked:
For breakfast: A piece cold pizza from the one you got last night when you couldn’t think of anything else to eat, week old cupcakes (a reminder of the extra Birthday you decided to give yourself), or stale pop tarts? And another thing, why does the day break BEFORE the night falls? 😀

Ah! That is a superb question! I feel that it is asked somewhat in jest, however, for I do not see how anyone could not choose Pop Tarts. Honestly, Pop Tarts are one of the world’s greatest inventions. The taste, quantity and even packaging is all figured for the most convenient and perfect of meals. The pastry can be eaten cold, warmed in a microwave, or even toasted–or, on rare occasions, one can harness stray energy from a solar flare. You see, even if the Pop Tart is stale, it can easily be revived with a toaster or blow torch. In regards to order of above foods, I would place Pop Tarts first, followed by cold pizza, and cupcakes in last place. I never thought much of cupcakes. If I am to eat a cake, I don’t want it to look like a muffin.

Well, if the day was not broken, there would be no need for the night to fall. If, in the event of the night falling before the day had broken, one was to see a perfectly good and unbroken day, the night that had fallen would be quite a nuisance. Imagine for a moment that the night had not fallen and the day had not broken, the absence of both day and night would lead one to believe that he had gone crazy. If, on the other hand, things were as they are always to be, that is, a broken day preceding a falling night, the person will be much less likely to see himself as insane. So, I suppose we could say that the order of things are as they are to maintain sanity and peace of mind.

Happy Ides of March!
~XK

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The Midlife Crisis

Moni Asked:
Why do people find themselves in a midlife crisis? I mean, why don’t they just stick to what they were doing when they were young?

Hmmm, that’s a good question. I think this is tied in closely to the Peter Pan complex. After all, who really wants to grow up? Once people reach the middle of their lives, or at least the age at which most people are halfway to the grave, they realize that they can no longer play on the jungle gym in McDonalds. They can run around with a stick and pretend it’s a gun, but people would think it rather strange. They might have the option to go back to college, but most likely they have debt, families, and jobs to maintain.  That’s one explanation.

Here’s another idea. I think people have midlife crises because of societally influenced behavior and suppression of humor. I think that some adults have lost their light-hardheartedness. The ability to laugh at nearly any situation, while being tempered by the experience of time, is a valuable skill to have. I think some people have lost that, and instead of laughing, they crash.

Why don’t they stick to what they were doing when they were younger? Who knows.

1. Maybe they broke both of their femurs in a fluke kite-flying accident and can no longer drive a Zamboni.
2. Perhaps they got trapped in a Nair factory and are now bald, which effectively ruins their modeling career.
3. Or maybe they retired young and rich and now they’re bored with their yachts, mansions, and indoor swimming pools.

Those are just some options. 😉

Happy Pi Day!
~XK

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Time-Bottling

Janene asked:
If you could save time in a bottle, what’s the first thing that you’d like to do? (Pssst! This is an old song from the 1970s. I just realized you may not of heard it before! 🙂 )

As a general rule, I avoid all ’70s music. I do, however, every once in a while, break my rule. I did go ahead and listen to this song, just so that I could have an idea of where your question is coming from. The sentimentality isn’t entirely lost on me, but I try to be practical with my use of resources, so if I had the ability to save time in a bottle, I think I would do one of three things (or maybe all three, depending on the limitations of time-bottling).

1. I would use it to procrastinate indefinitely and catch up on sleep. Really, how many times have you been dreading a deadline that seemed to be ruthlessly drawing closer, with your workload hopelessly growing larger? I’m not sure if the concept works like that, but I’d love to have some “extra time.”
2. I would bottle time and sell it. I’m pretty sure that time in a bottle would sell like–and perhaps even better than–hotcakes. Just set up a website, link a paypal account, and pay for school. I like it.
3. A third option would be to use the extra time to develop new technologies. Maybe we could settle Mars, domesticate unicorns, or cure cancer. Something cool like that.

So, there you go. That’s what I’d do if I could save time in a bottle. What would you do?

Happy 72nd Anniversary of the end of the Russo-Finnish Winter War!
~XK

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